The Danger of Us vs Them Thinking and How to Avoid It

What do Mormon prophets, Jim Jones, and modern politicians all have in common?
They all use the same psychological trick: dividing the world into us vs. them.

In this post (based on Episode 17 of Mormon to Muse), I want to show you just how powerful that trick is—and why it’s so hard to unlearn.

What Is “Us vs. Them” Thinking?

At its core, us vs. them thinking is a mental shortcut that splits the world into two groups:

• Us = good, safe, righteous

• Them = bad, dangerous, wrong

It oversimplifies reality into black-and-white categories. The result? Fear, superiority, and division.

This mindset feels reassuring because it tells us exactly where we belong—but it also closes us off to nuance, empathy, and connection.

Why We Do It: The Evolutionary Roots

According to Psychology Today, humans didn’t evolve as one big happy cooperative species. We evolved in tribes, competing fiercely with other groups for limited resources. Having an “us vs. them” mechanism was adaptive—it helped us survive.

“So-called us-versus-them psychological mechanisms had enormous benefits and thus are adaptations.” – Psychology Today

On a survival level, this makes sense. When threatened, our brains want to feel stronger, superior, and safer.

The problem? In the modern world, this instinct often gets applied in harmful ways—categorizing and excluding people, even when there’s no real threat.

How Our Brains Feed the Divide

Our brains love shortcuts. Grouping people helps us process where we fit in socially. WebMD notes that we naturally sort people by:

• Race

• Religion

• Location

• Social class

Categorization itself isn’t bad—after all, I’m a woman and that’s a category I belong to. But problems arise when these categories become rigid stereotypes:

• “Cops are power-hungry.”

• “Black people are criminals.”

• “Trans people are dangerous.”

• “Believers are good, apostates are deceived.”

When we define entire groups this way, we dehumanize real people. And once someone is labeled an “outsider,” we justify treating them with less compassion.

My Mormon Experience with Us vs. Them

I remember sitting as Primary President, bearing my testimony about how lucky our kids were to have “precious truths” most adults in the world didn’t.

At the time, it felt faith-affirming. Looking back? Cringe. It was superiority dressed up as spirituality: our group is more special than yours.

Even now, I see ex-Mormons (myself included!) falling into the same trap. We flip the binary—“we’re enlightened for leaving, they’re blind for staying.” Same mindset, just reversed.

What It Sounds Like in Practice

Here are some real quotes that demonstrate us vs. them rhetoric:

• Russell M. Nelson (LDS Prophet):
  “Never take counsel from those that do not believe.”
  → Outsiders are unsafe and unworthy of trust.

• Brad Wilcox (LDS leader):
  “Believers are the ones who would help others in a crisis. Non-believers will step on anyone to get what they want.”
  → Believers = heroes. Non-believers = selfish monsters.

• Boyd K. Packer (LDS Apostle):
  “The world is spiraling downward… in contrast, the Church is moving upward.”
  → World = corrupt. Church = pure.

• Ronald Reagan (Republican):
  “The Republican Party… is the party of freedom and the future.”
  → Republicans = freedom. Democrats = the opposite.

• Barack Obama (Democrat):
  “The other side has a fundamentally different vision for America—one that would take us backward.”
  → Us = progress. Them = regression.

Notice how interchangeable the language is across religion and politics. The labels change, but the tactic stays the same.

Why It Works

This language doesn’t aim for logic—it aims for emotion. Leaders use fear, loyalty, and belonging to stir people up. After hearing it, you don’t walk away with more understanding. You walk away convinced that outsiders are dangerous and wrong.

How Ex-Mormons Fall into the Same Trap

Let’s be honest: leaving Mormonism doesn’t automatically cure us vs. them thinking. Sometimes we just switch sides:

1. Flipping the Binary

   • Inside: “We’re enlightened, they’re deceived.”

   • Outside: “We’re enlightened for leaving, they’re blind for staying.”

2. Labels & Mockery

   • Using “TBM” (True Believing Mormon) as a put-down.

   • Sharing memes that ridicule believers.

3. Relationship Walls

   • Seeing believing family only as “brainwashed.”

   • Assuming they can’t understand us.

4. New Dogmas

   • Trading one “one true way” for another.

I’m guilty of this too. Humor helps me cope, and I think it’s fine to mock the institution itself—but I try to avoid mocking the people, because we all once believed that stuff.

The Cost of Us vs. Them

Us vs. them thinking gives us certainty, identity, and belonging. But the cost is high:

• It keeps us small.

• It keeps us suspicious.

• It keeps us divided.

Real belonging doesn’t come from separating ourselves. It comes from expanding into our full humanity—and allowing others to do the same.

Moving Beyond the Divide

Here’s the truth: us vs. them thinking is deeply human. It lives in all of us. The work isn’t to shame ourselves—it’s to notice when it shows up and choose something different.

When we expand our view, we realize:

• We’re not special chosen ones.

• We’re not better than anyone else.

• We’re all just human beings trying to survive in a complicated world.

So here’s my challenge for you this week:
Notice which groups trigger anger, fear, or annoyance in you. Instead of reducing them to “them,” can you see the human beings inside those groups—real people, just like you?

That awareness is the first step toward freedom.

Further Reading:

• Us Versus Us in the U.S. – Psychology Today 

• Ingroup/Outgroup Bias – WebMD