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What do Mormon prophets, Jim Jones, and modern politicians all have in common? They all use the same psychological trick, dividing the world into us versus them. Today I want to show you just how powerful that trick is and why it's so hard to unlearn. Welcome to Mormon to Muse.
I'm Kristen Martineau, certified life coach, artist, and former Mormon. This podcast is for post-Mormon women ready to heal, reconnect with their inner wisdom, and create a life that feels fully their own. Each week we'll explore life after faith crisis through therapeutic art, life coaching tools, and creative reflection.
If you're ready to deconstruct the past and create something beautiful in its place, you're in the right spot. Welcome to episode 17. Today we're going to talk about us versus them.
Us versus them mentality is a way of thinking that divides people into two rigid groups, insiders and outsiders. Us are seen as good, safe, and right, while them are seen as bad, dangerous, or wrong. It oversimplifies reality into black and white categories and fuels fear, superiority, and division.
Today I'm going to teach you why people do this, how to recognize it, and how to avoid doing it yourself. I think this tendency for us versus them thinking has evolutionary causes. I was reading an article in Psychology Today, and just so you know, I'll reference some articles and quotes today that I will link in the show notes.
It was saying, Humans did not evolve as one happy, cooperative species. To the contrary, they evolved to be part of a smaller group that is in conflict with other groups. So-called us versus them psychological mechanisms had enormous benefits and thus are adaptations.
Why? It's simple. Like other species, we competed fiercely for limited resources. Our human us versus them psychological mechanism leading to individuals, forming groups, and competing with other groups.
Anytime you feel threatened by something, you want to feel superior, stronger, and better than what you are up against. You want to feel better about yourself. Categorizing people isn't necessarily a bad thing until you use these categories to exclude people, even without meaning to.
Our brains like shortcuts. We tend to naturally group people into categories. When you do this, it helps your brain process where and how you fit into varying social situations.
Here are some ways that we group people. Race, religion, location, social class, gender, sexual orientation. While there are good reasons for keeping our distance from some people, for example actual murderers and rapists, there are many bad reasons, for example racism and group narcissism.
So following this path of creating and emphasizing divisions may be a dangerous way of trying to improve one's self-esteem. But notice what the quote said about who to stay away from. Murderers and rapists are individuals.
Racism and discrimination demonize a group of people. Here are some examples of the types of groups we put people in. These groups aren't necessarily bad.
I'm a woman, so I go in the women group. But pay attention how you react and your general assumptions about each group. LGBTQ, trans, police officers, Black people, white people, Republicans, Democrats, religious, non-religious, pro-life, pro-choice, citizens, immigrants, men, women, apostate, faithful.
What labels did you find yourself putting on each group? What feelings came up for you? The us against them mentality is dangerous because it's dehumanizing. You subconsciously use this thought pattern to help yourself feel more at ease, but it often causes you to make decisions based on subconscious discrimination instead of leaving room for understanding and growth. Once you subconsciously figure out who is in your group, you tend to be more forgiving of those people.
And that was from an article from WebMD which I will link below. I remember thinking this way. I wouldn't have said that people outside of Mormonism are bad people.
I would have phrased it more like, they just don't have the fullness of the truth. Or if they lived the gospel, they would be truly happy. But there's a little superiority there.
It's really saying, our group is more special than yours. I don't know why I remember this so clearly, but when I was the primary president, I remember getting up and bearing my testimony about the precious truths that the kids in primary have, from the time they are very small, they understand these things, when most adults in the world don't have that knowledge. Maybe I remember it so well because it was so cringe.
The idea that our three-year-olds were more wise than people outside of Mormonism just makes me roll my eyes now. But ex-Mormons do this too, so don't be too proud of yourself yet. We'll get to that in a minute.
Here are some examples of what us versus them thinking sounds like. Never take counsel from those that do not believe. That was from Russ Nelson.
The phrase assumes that anyone who doesn't believe is unworthy of giving advice. It immediately dismisses outsiders as unsafe, misguided, or even dangerous. Here's another one from Brad Wilcox.
It's what most people in the world are doing. They are playing church. In our church, we don't play church.
This reduces the rich diversity of global religions into a binary. True vs. Fake.
Real vs. Play. There's no room for nuance or respect.
Only insider validity and outsider invalidity. Brad Wilcox gave another talk that is an excellent example of how group leaders indoctrinate us versus them mentality. Probably the only excellent thing Brad Wilcox has done.
Wait, and take that back. He's given us lots of stellar examples of stupid talks. Thank you, Brad.
So this was from a talk called Stay in the Lifeboat for Education Week 2021. Studies show that when the bus goes off the road, when the train derails and the plane is coming down for an emergency landing, that in that moment of crisis, the believers are the ones who would turn and help someone else. The non-believers are the ones who will step on anybody they have to, in order to get to their own selfish desire and reach their own selfish goal.
Okay, I want to take this apart a little here because I think it's important to understand what he's doing. First of all, studies show the evidence. You cannot just say studies show unless you are specifically referencing a study or studies.
You can't just slap that term on your opinion. That's lazy and bad form. Also, how would you even conduct a study on this? A bus goes off the road and you rush with your clipboard to the scene and ask everyone getting off the bus, did you step on anyone on your way out? What religion are you? Or here's an idea, you interview a bunch of people about their religious beliefs, then you put them all on a plane and you're like, thank you for being part of the study, we are now going to crash the plane and observe what people do.
It's just so ridiculous. And then there's the emotional manipulation. He really sets this stage for fear and emotion.
When the bus goes off the road, when the train derails, when the plane is coming down for an emergency landing, that in that moment of crisis, do you see how he's using scary and emotional language? This isn't about logic. It's about setting the stage of fear and using compelling emotional manipulation. Then he goes on to say, believers are the ones who would turn to help someone else.
The non-believers are the ones who would step on anybody they have to. Believe in what? Is he talking about believing in the Mormon church? So is he saying studies show that everyone in the world except Mormons will step on other people? Uh, Mountain Meadows massacre anyone? Those guys were believers. What about the 9-11 firefighters that ran into the buildings to save people? Were all of those guys Mormon? Okay, so maybe he's talking about believing in Jesus? Where's the study that shows that Christians are the only ones who will stop to help other people? Have you ever heard of the Crusades? Maybe he's referring to people who believe in God.
Well, what God? Does it have to be Mormon God specifically? Or what if they believe in the Hindu god Kali? She's a fierce goddess, often shown with blue skin and multiple arms carrying weapons. And listen, I get that this is a symbolic depiction of God, not a literal one. I just use that as an example of how people all over the world perceive God in different ways.
So is he talking about his specific perception of God? And then he goes on to talk about selfish desires. That the non-believers are the ones who will step on anybody they have to, in order to get their own selfish desire and reach their own selfish goal. Selfish? You mean a human's instinctual drive to survive? That's selfish? Or maybe Mormons don't come with that instinctual drive to survive.
You get baptized and now your will to live in a crisis situation is gone? Or maybe he's talking about the non-believers are running out of the bus, stepping on people to go buy a Corvette. Damn it, there's all these injured people in the way. I'm just gonna go ahead and step on them so I can go fuel my selfish desires.
Not that buying a Corvette is inherently selfish. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about. I don't think he actually knows.
He's just using strong, triggering language. This is the kind of language that feeds a false divide. It doesn't even have to make sense, because the goal isn't logic, it's emotion.
It's designed to stir people up, to trigger fear and loyalty in emotionally charged and manipulative ways. You leave that talk not with new understanding, not with more unconditional love for the people around you, but with a stronger sense that anyone who disagrees with you is dangerous, scary, and wrong. If you really listen to the way political and religious leaders talk, you'll start to hear us versus them language everywhere.
I'm not pointing out Mormonism to pick on it. I use those examples because many of you know that world and can relate. But it's just as important to notice how the same rhetoric shows up in other groups too.
Sometimes when you look outside your own tradition, it's easier to spot the patterns without all the emotional weight. So I'm going to be sharing more quotes from Mormon leaders, but also from other extremist religious leaders, and from both major political parties in the US. Us versus them rhetoric doesn't just sound one way.
It comes at us from several different angles, and I think that's important to recognize. So I'm going to give you several examples so you can understand when you hear it. So there's the we are the only true path angle.
I was answered that I must join in none of them, for they were all wrong. All their creeds were an abomination in his sight. That's Joseph Smith.
Without me, you cannot go to heaven. No one can enter heaven except through me. That is Sun Yung Moon, who was the prophet of the Unification Church.
The Republican party, not the Democrats, is the party of freedom and a future. That is Ronald Reagan. But those are all examples of this idea of our group is the one and only true path.
There's also the world versus Zion angle. The world is spiraling downward at an ever-quickening pace. In contrast, the church is moving upward.
That is Boyd K. Packer, an LDS apostle. The world is wicked, and only we are righteous. We must separate ourselves to prepare for God's judgment.
That is David Koresh. The other side has a fundamentally different vision for America, one that would take us backward. That was Barack Obama.
There's the angle of the persecution narrative. You will have to defend your faith. You may not be popular, but you will always be right.
Jeffrey R. Holland. They hate us because we stand for truth, because we will not bow to their lies. That is Jim Jones.
Conservatives are under assault, in the media, in Hollywood, and in academia. That's Ted Cruz, who's a Republican. So you see this narrative of everyone's out to get us, only our group is right, and everyone else hates us for it.
Then there's the survival requires loyalty angle. In the coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost. That was Russ Nelson.
You are my family. You are chosen. The outside world can never understand you.
That's Charles Manson. We believe in the real America, the hardworking, patriotic people who live in small towns. Sarah Palin.
And then there's obedience over independent thinking. When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done. Ezra Taft Benson.
We'd rather have you dead than incapable. Loyalty to the group is everything. L. Ron Hubbard of Scientology.
We are stronger together, and anyone who divides us is not putting America first. Hillary Clinton. She's a Democrat.
Notice how the language is almost interchangeable. This is one way high demand groups maintain control. By dividing the world into us vs them, safety vs danger, truth vs lies.
Can you see how this us vs them mindset shows up in all kinds of places? And maybe you're even thinking, well that's what other people do, not me. But here's the thing, it's not just out there, it's in us too. The real work is noticing how we participate in it.
That doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. This kind of thinking is a universal human tendency, and if we're not willing to look at how it shows up in our own lives, we'll never be able to change it. I've noticed that a lot of people who have left the church tend to do this too.
So ex-Mormons will flip the binary. Inside Mormonism, the idea is we are enlightened and they are deceived. But sometimes after leaving, you have just as much us vs them thinking, it's just the other way around.
So after leaving, you might think we are enlightened for leaving, they are blind for staying. The same black and white binary remains, just with the categories reversed. Ex-Mormons can use a lot of labels.
Using terms like TBM, True Believing Mormon, can be used as a put down. Talking about people still in the cult with pity or mockery. This creates distance and superiority over believing family or friends.
Social media memes and mockery. Sharing jokes that ridicule believers' naivety. Building solidarity in ex-Mormon groups by laughing at them.
Listen, I get that humor becomes a way to bond and it's a way to heal, but we have to be careful that it's not also reinforcing the divide. I'm totally guilty of this you guys, and I do think humor is an appropriate way to cope sometimes. But for me, it's more about making fun of the institution itself and not the individual people within it.
After all, we all believe that stuff too. We do this in family and relationship dynamics as well. Seeing believing relatives as only brainwashed rather than full, complex people.
Assuming they can't understand or that you can't relate anymore. Makes connection harder and keeps walls up. And ex-Mormons often just turn to a new dogma.
They adopt a different kind of rigid certainty. Leaving is the only healthy choice. Staying means you're weak or deluded.
Or they find a new belief system that is now the one true way. This mirrors the same black and white thinking that you were trying to leave behind. I know some of those things might be triggering for you, but I think it's so important to look at our own participation in unhealthy patterns.
When we leave Mormonism, we think we've left behind us-versus-them thinking, but often we've just traded sides. Healing means noticing those patterns and learning to see both ourselves and others with more nuance and compassion. So as we've seen today, us-versus-them thinking is everywhere.
It shows up in Mormonism, in other religions, in politics, and even in our own post-Mormon communities. It can sound like superiority. It can sound like persecution.
It can sound like loyalty or purity. But at the root, it's the same thing. Dividing the world into insiders and outsiders.
This mindset gives us certainty, identity, and belonging. But it also comes at a cost. It keeps us small, it keeps us suspicious, and it keeps us stuck.
The real invitation is to notice when we're doing it ourselves. The point is to recognize that it is a deeply human habit, and once we see it in ourselves, we have the power to let in more nuance and to create connection instead of division. So as you go through your week, I encourage you to pay attention.
Where do you hear us-versus-them language around you? And just as important, where do you hear it in your own mind? That awareness is the first step toward freedom, because real belonging doesn't come from separating ourselves from others. It comes from expanding into our full humanity and allowing others to do the same. Having an expanded, more inclusive view of the Understanding that I'm not one of the special ones, I'm not one of the chosen ones, helps me understand that I'm not better than anyone.
We are all trying to live in a complicated world and get our needs met. I'm still working on expanding my worldview. But we have to be humble and brave enough to see the outgroups as real human beings, or nothing can change.
Start in your own life. What groups of people make you angry or afraid or annoyed? That's where you begin. Can you let your guard down enough to see real people inside those groups? Real people just like you.
Thank you so much for listening today. Don't forget to sign up for my Sunday Muse email. You'll get a free new therapeutic art exercise that I'll email you every week that goes along with this episode.
It's designed as a gentle way to heal from Mormonism and enjoy some self-care. You don't have to have any art skills, just a willingness to start creating the life you want for yourself. That's all for today.
I love you. Thank you so much for joining me today on Mormon to Muse. I hope this episode helped you feel seen, supported, and inspired to explore your healing through creativity.
Before we go, I want to remind you that while I'm a certified life coach, I'm not a licensed therapist. The tools and conversations I offer here are for personal growth and creative healing, but they're not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you're struggling with trauma, depression, or thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else, please reach out to a qualified therapist.
Until next time, take care of yourself and keep creating.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
